Funny Girl

It's been a ridiculous amount of time since I've blogged anything. I must say I don't know if I actually enjoy recording my thoughts especially because I don't actually like to acknowledge half of the ridiculousness I think. And I think of a lot of ridiculousness. It may very well be true that a great many of my friendships are based on the fact that I'm okay with being ridiculous. Yesterday as I was "studying with friends" -(impossible), I somehow, ended up, in a high traffic, public area, doing my dinosaur impression. I'm a 22 year-old black woman...running around acting like a dinosaur. That led to my dialects, Jamaican, African, British Hipster, Brooklyn, and in less than ten minutes, everyone was holding their bellies dying of laughter. Then someone said to me that was basically my qualifier...That I'm in the same group as the campus nuts...the funny girls...the ones that hear "You're so crazy" on a regular basis.
     The thing is I don't want to be known as "Crazy Ciana" or "Funny Ciana", I much rather be like "You know Ciana?? quiet, serious smart, Ciana???" or "Beautiful Ciana, you know" (BTW I'm pretty sure I'm the only Ciana at NIU), but I don't want to be funny Ciana. It's like the back of foods and the listings, which ever comes first means that's the largest ingredients. So I'm just mostly funny. I wanna be mostly something else sometimes. I don't always want to be the friend who is down for doing the ridiculous impressions, re-enactments, etc. When you study theater, I think people take advantage of you.
     Despite my angst, I realize that being funny helps in a few situations, i.e., making friends. Guys really go for the funny girls! I can't tell you how many of my interests, however fleeting they may have been, were intrigured by my humor. But the thing is guys also like beautiful....probably over funny. But I mean what do men know?
     Anyway I have to stop whining about my meager existence as a funny girl and get back to studying. Funny Girls Unite, the beautiful ones can kick rocks barefoot.

Confession #2 - I'm done with Fast Food Friends...From now on I only do Grand Luxe...

this is truly annoying...

so you know there are some people in your life who you text/email, but don't hear from them for weeks, months, decades? So you go on have a few kids, a career, or maybe just a resemblance of a life and it hurts for awhile but then you're like forget 'em and life is just like

right? 

Then all of a sudden, there's a little ding on your phone notifying you that someone has sent you a text message...you open this message excited with the prospect of some funny joke or an update in your actual friend's life or romantic jesting and all you get is...."hey."

NO!!!! Don't "hey" me!!!  You weren't concerned when I text you to see how you were doing... just being friendly and keeping in contact because that's what friends do!!!! They communicate and check in!!!! No Sir/Madame, you are not my friend!!! I have not heard from you in like a month and you send me this watered-down "hey"??? So yeah.. no longer hold a place in my life or heart...

These, my good people, are triple-F's...possibly standing for triple failures, but actually what I have coined as Fast Food Friends...let me explain...

1. No Nutrition
            There are no healthy benefits to having this person in your life. When they come along, they are good for the ten minutes you spend with them, but when you leave their sides, you beat yourself for the time and money wasted on them and if you have my colon...you're hurting.

2.  They come in and out of your life
                  When you go to McDonalds, rarely do you sit and enjoy your meal. You go through the drive thru get what you need and leave. If you do sit down the visit is no longer than fifteen minutes. Same concept.

3. You're about as close to them as you are to a Cashier...
                  This friend knows as much about you as your local Wendy's cashier...They never contact you, so they don't know whats going on in your life and there is always a huge space between you all. Plus Cashiers never come to your table to check on you. #blao

VS

Grand Luxe Friends...

1. People of Substance - Like a meal and the decorum at Grand Luxe, these are people of substance, they present themselves in their best. They ask questions, they want to discuss your concerns, and are made of organic meats and veggies, cooked to perfection. They Are Good To You And FOR YOU!  NEED I SAY MORE???
                     

Dear readers, why do these people insist on coming in and out of our lives?!?! I just feel like if you were not concerned about me during that long period of time of inexplicable silence, what makes you so interested now? I totally get the "I was busy" or going through things but you can't take two seconds to respond with a "Hey...I'm busy. ttyl"???? How long does that take? These people are FW/OB, friends without benefits. You're no longer positively contributing to my life. I'm legit done. "As far as I'm concerned...you can all just, step."

confessions of a rasberi goddess - forgive me father, for i am afraid of commitment....

Okay so people are always saying that they're afraid of commitment right? I did some research ( i googled)  and all I found were references to only commitment phobes in the romantical, intimate or lack there of, sense.  This angered me greatly because yes, I have that issue as well, but its not only in that department of my life. I am not prejudiced towards certain types of commitments! I hate them all. They all make my skin crawl, my scalp itch, my life miserable. It's ridiculous. I hate setting dates and agreeing to projects, or tasks. Example 1: I joined the church Women's Day choir and the other night as I sat in rehearsal thinking about what I'd subjected myself to, I literally had an anxiety attack. I was sweaty,anxious, my mind raced to unknown planets anything to distract me from the commitment I'd made to sing for ONE Sunday. Singing praises to Jesus Christ our Savior has never seemed so initimidating...

On the serious side it kind of scares me like...when I start to like someone and the like is mutual, but we are still just friends, I begin to get rashes all over. Just thinking about the fact that I could possibly end up with this person for life makes me like nauseous to the point of dehydration. Will I ever find love? sigh....

Idk what I'm going to do about this situation as the research of commitment phobes is limited to how it pertains to men and intimacy. Maybe one day someone will find the cure... until then this woman will probably forever be freaked out by library due dates..

Divine Secret Blogs of the YA-YA Sisterhood...

SO apparently this summer, mi and my compadres have become uber lame and all made an unofficial pact to create blogs documenting our, for the most part, seemingly uneventful lives.  Our rag tag group of bloggers include my bestie of ten years Janelle Nicole,

our gorgeous chocolate goddess and  mutual bestie Aramide,




and our fair skinned lover McKenna who is actually living the dream with hot German guys and drinking cold german beer...she has also lost her passport...in her angst and despair she has most likely gone to some old enchanted european town that lacks electricity and hot water to find herself, instead finding a wishing wall and inside a love filled note from an  old spinster who couldn't move on past her first love...this is mckenna guys



I, myself was dubbed the rasberi goddess in the quaint lobby of a local city college by a fellow scholar who  I believe at the time was researching the effect of the ever rare and ever exotic plant known to you mere mortals as cannabis... He looked at me inhaled deeply and told me that I smelled like "raspberry's and rainforests". i was taken aback and slightly insulted until a dear friend agreed that I do indeed smell naturally like that fascinating red berry....C'est moi.



so there you have it a small introduction to this forced blog entry...Now I shall go eat tacos and watch "Eat, Pray, Love" (god bless Julia Roberts, thank God for Javier Bardem, and screw Penelope Cruz) to my heart's content...